by AJ
Dear AJ,
My friend started being friends with someone who bullied me really bad in middle school, and doesn't seem to have changed. I don't want to be around that person- but I also don't want to lose my friend. What do I do !?
From,
Angry
Dear Angry,
Yikes, that sounds tough. I can understand that you might feel like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I would think you have two options. 1: Talk to your friend. You can tell them that you feel uncomfortable around this other person. I’m sure your friend will understand, and hopefully break off their relationship with this person.
2: If you would rather take a more confrontational route, I would establish boundaries with your friend and this new person. Tell them that you’ll be civil and polite, but you have no interest in being particularly friendly.
Either of these can seem scary or disastrous, and I understand that. If you’re having trouble, ask yourself this: Is the person who bullied me really worth sacrificing my comfort around my friend?
Rooting for you,
AJ
Dear AJ,
Am I in a toxic relationship? My boyfriend has been acting weird lately. To be honest it started shortly after we got engaged. At first it started with my nail clippers disappearing. I didn’t think anything of it but sometimes it’d be there and sometimes it wouldn’t. My boyfriend was always really adamant about hygiene, always reminding me to clip my nails. “Hey babe.. have you clipped your toe nails lately..” and silly little things like that. I thought it was cute but then I started to suspect something when I found my toe nail clippers in his backpack. When I asked him about it he said it was his lucky charm, he then proceeded to put it in his mouth and it sorta creeped me out. I also noticed that whenever I do clip my own nails the trash is usually gone the day after, even when there was nothing else in there. I have a faint suspicion that he might be stealing my toe nails. He’s also been asking to give me more pedicures than usual, almost every day. I generally accepted them because he was really really good at it. He must have a ton of experience. Recently I told him no, and that made him quite angry. I got scared for a second, he was yelling at me and he got really scary before he stormed out. I’ve never seen this side of my fiancé for the whole 3 weeks we’ve been a couple. Could you please tell me what I should do?
From,
Afraid and Disgusted
Dear Afraid and Disgusted,
……okay.
Scarred and Traumatized,
AJ